Saturday, November 1, 2014 4:08 am
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Yoga pants on display at a Lululemon store in New York Courtesy of the Chicago Tribune
Yoga pants on display at a Lululemon store in New York

America faces biggest threat since the Red Scare

Horrifyingly, yoga pants and other articles of the female wardrobe are slowly becoming extinct in school districts around America. Young women nationwide are being forced to give up their freedom to dress as they choose in order to prevent their male counterparts from becoming distracted.

The clock must rotate faster

Blair is home to almost 3,000 students, or, one might say, 3,000 sleep-deprived zombies.

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You might want to double check that

It's (almost) 2015, which is supposed to be Blair’s Eightieth 80th anniversary, and last time I checked, 2015 minus 1925 equals 90, not 80

Goodbye, penny

No offense to Abe Lincoln, but it's time for the U.S. to retire the penny.

Poor us: losing the last day of summer vacation

But this year, in addition to all that, they’ll also have to deal with something much worse: the wrath of approximately 2,200 teenagers, very annoyed at having to be at school.

SCO snoWatch: Winter 2013

Bundle up Blazers, with just about a month left in the semester, this might just be the perfect time for a snow day.

Nothing comes free kids

As the little "innocent" trick-or-treaters stroll from house to house, many adults are inclined to dish out sweets left and right. But sensible individuals, like myself, know just how conniving these little kids really are.
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