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Abigail Graber

Page Editor
abbythegreat@hotmail.com
Abigail Graber, according to various and sundry ill-conceived Internet surveys: She is:
  • As smart as Miss America and smarter than Miss Washington, D.C., Miss Tennessee, Miss Massachusetts, and Miss New York
  • A goddess of the wind
  • An extremely low threat to the Bush administration
  • Made for Road Rules
  • Almost definitely on drugs
In numbers:
  • 70% Godlike
  • 30% Staggeringly dumb
  • 60% Dead
  • 70% Evil
  • 60% On fire
  • 70% Slacker
  • 32.93886% Geek (exactly)
Pop-culture alter-egos include:
  • In M*A*S*H: Radar
  • On X-Men: Beast
  • In Lord of the Rings: Aragorn
  • On Scrubs: Dr. Cox
  • In Harry Potter: Hermione Granger
  • As a Disney princess: Ariel
And finally, Abby’s aura is crimson, her personality disorder is avoidant, her true talent is verbal ability, her theme song is “Dancing Queen," she belongs in the movie Tarzan and in The Addams Family and is destined to be a Rebel when she gets back to school.

Stories Authored (58)

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Beyond the Boulevard

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Jersey Girl: Kevin Smith loses the edge

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It’s not all springtime and daisies for "Eternal Sunshine"

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Dark days for movies in Tinseltown

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Hidalgo hits the familiar spots

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The same old Dirty Dancing

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Mooseport outstays its welcome

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TV's portrayal of gays goes too far

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'And the Award goes to. . .'

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Beyond the Boulevard

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50 First Dates: Sandler’s flirtation with maturity

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A Miracle? Not quite

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Top 10 movies of 2003

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Cold Mountain: frigid romance

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Return of the King: voyage into the fantastic

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Beyond the Boulevard

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Sabotaging the movie rating system

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Angels in America soars

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Timeline: less than timeless

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Master and Commander struggles to stay afloat

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Students experiment with 'prescribed' highs

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One wedding, one funeral and one big mess

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Runaway Jury: Hoffman and Hackman get down to business

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School of Rock: Just roll with it

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Blazer hikes on the long campaign trail

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Beyond the Boulevard

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Halloween on the Silver Screen

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Matchstick Men: Crime doesn’t pay

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The duality of Dickie Roberts

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The Magdalene Sisters is painfully beautiful

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Uptown Girls: a classless act

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How to Deal is down in the dumps

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Pirates of the Caribbean is a film you should be seein'

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Putting the ‘bad’ in Sinbad

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Book review: Harry Potter has it all. Again.

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The incredibly bad Hulk

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Hollywood Homicide is deadly dull and dumb

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The Italian Job: For summer fluff, it’s good enough

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Age ain’t nothing but a number?

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Groovy movies from summers gone by

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X-Men 2 is Xtreme fun

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Dig into Holes

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Au revoir french fries, hello American way

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West Side Story in all its glory

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Till Human Voices Wake Us: A total snoozer

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Tears of the Sun severely tarnished

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The Pianist's haunting melody

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The Recruit gets the boot

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Evelyn does justice to courtroom drama

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Cheers and Jeers for Blair Books

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A Trekkie's Nemesis

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An almost royal Emperor's Club

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Harry Potter: faltering magic

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Frida brings art and style back to the movies

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Swept Away into the garbage

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Backs catch flak from heavy packs

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High heels bring teenagers down

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Who will the winners be in 2003?