Montgomery Blair High School's Online Student Newspaper
Wednesday, July 18, 2018 10:01 pm
Feb. 2, 2012

Timeís running out. What should you do before its too late?

by Zoe Waldrop,
As seniors receive admission decisions and start planning for next year, they start to look around the hallowed walls of Blair and begin to wonder what they will miss most about high school.

But this December seniors arenít the only ones who have cause to look at Blair with a sense of impending nostalgia. Be it in plague, explosion, pollution or flood, itís pretty much a fact that the end of the world is coming in 2012Ö Maybe.

Itís time to look at all the things that are still left to be accomplished and create a plan of action. The internet is riddled with suggestions of things that are simply necessary to experience before you kick the bucket.

But these ideas are lacking in creativity, and might, perhaps, devastate the rest of your life just in case the Mayans were off in their calculations. So! We set off on a perilous journey through school rules and policies into a Pandoraís Box of rebellious deeds to do before we die. Letís begin at Blair.


Though weíre not known for our senior pranks, Blair does do fairly steady business in the practical joke department. Throwing 2,009 bouncy balls off the third floor onto a horde of jaded teenagers (class of 2009) and running naked through Blair Boulevard are good crowd pleasers (class of 2006); but theyíve been done, and no one likes a copycat.

But what could top bouncy balls? This subject may cause many to go blank, as have many great ideas throughout history. There is a great connection between the musings of Einstein and Stephen Hawking and pondering what to do as a prank. Just as with the two afore mentioned fellow geniuses, the idea hit me all at once. Goats.

Goats are strange creatures that will consume anything within reach. They have been known to eat cell phones, trash bins and all kinds of furniture. Put simply; they are masters of destruction and this makes for a wet-your-pants hilarious prank.

Imagine sitting in first period English class and telling your teacher that a goat ate your homework, and when he asks you, ďwhat goat?Ē with a condescending sneer, youíll be able to point to the one right outside the classroom door.

In class, under the radar

Now that youíve sent your teachers home with half eaten tote-bags and thermoses with missing large chunks, youíve still got to find a way to entertain yourself during the rest of the days youíll be stuck in class before the end comes. There are too many distractions at home to allow Blazers to complete these tasks outside of class hours. Youíve got homework, swim practice and that darn goat that you still need to find a home for before it eats another history assignment.

Though not big in effect or impact, these are vital deeds that must be done before doomsday comes around next year, and what better place to do them than in a classroom?

First, eat a whole pack of M&Ms by tossing them into the air and catching them in your mouth. Always something you meant to do, but never remember to whenever you happen to be enjoying a pack of candy-coated, chocolate morsels. Note that you may need multiple packs of M&Ms because if you miss one then you havenít caught the whole pack with your mouth.

Now that youíve stuffed yourself with chocolate, thereís probably nothing you want to do more than eat 10 saltines in less than a minute. Itís one of those urban legends thatís supposed to be impossible to do, (like licking your elbow,) but what else have you got to do during French class?

Though it is common knowledge that it is impossible to get sick of eating, there are other pranks to be pulled once you have run out of muchies. Popular favorites include playing Chinese Firedrill while a teacherís back is turned or else setting up tiny little dixie-cups filled with liquid on the top of a door. If you and your classmates are quick enough, the teacher will never know what happened, and itís amusing to watch someone decide whether they want to open a door and get water poured on them, or whether they will wait for you to take them off.

So for those Blazers who want to do something before the world fades into oblivion, but donít want to spend 20 years in a jail cell asking themselves how stupid they had to be to trust Mayans that died hundreds of years ago, itís time to rent a goat and get some saltines. Weíve got one year to make a mark on this school before (semi)certain doom, better get started.

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