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April 20, 2017

How to spot a fire technician

by Amy Forsbacka, Editor-in-Chief
The elusive fire technician is thought of by some Blazers as a mythical creature. To others, the fire technician is the invisible byproduct of a frequently made announcement. These beliefs are not unfounded. After all, has anyone actually ever seen a fire technician? As junior Eli Cohen puts it: "No, I have not." And neither has sophomore Gabrielle Bell, who believes they don't exist altogether. "I don't think they're real because I've never seen them," she states.

But these convictions are only urban myths. The fire technicians, though rare, are real people and they have a purpose. They design, install, repair and maintain the fire alarms so that they work properly in order to keep Blazers safe in case of a fire. If you dream of getting a glimpse of one of these elusive beings, here’s what to do the next time this periodic announcement, "The fire technicians are working in the building. If the fire alarm should go off, please do not exit the building unless instructed to do so," comes over the intercom.

Attracting the Fire Technician

It can be tempting to set a fire to attract the technician's attention. We at Silver Chips Online would like to make sure it is known that we do not condone arson, which is a felony. Instead, leaving a small puddle of water will lead the fire technician to believe that a sprinkler is leaking, which should attract their attention. As Blazers, attracting a fire technician should be much easier than at other, less incendiary schools.

Concealing Your Scent

Concealing your scent is of the utmost importance. Any fire technician worth his snuff has a far keener sense of smell than that of an ordinary person, allowing them to detect fires burning miles away. In order to approach the technician, one must mask their scent by bathing in baking soda or some other absorbent solution.

Mastering the Art of Camouflage

A good fire technician can see the smallest spark from nearly a mile away. When waiting patiently for a sighting, you need to make sure to blend into your environment. Good camouflage adapts to its surroundings. For example, if the fire technician is suspected to be outside, camouflage could constitute red body paint while standing next to a brick wall.

Waiting Patiently

The fire technician tends to be quite shy, and is rarely noticed by any Blair students. Be prepared to wait hours or even weeks before spotting a fire technician. Say goodbye to loved ones and get ready for the long haul. Return all library books and Netflix rentals before setting out on the journey.

Spotting a fire technician does not come without its rewards. Many Blazers would like to have the chance to finally lay eyes on the invisible people working to keep us safe behind the famous announcement, like junior Aissatou Bokum. If Bokum had the chance to see a fire technician she'd go up to one and say, "Nice to finally see you. What exactly are you doing?" If Eli Cohen got the coveted opportunity to see a fire technician, he would "Get their autograph."

These strategies are key to success in spotting a fire technician. Like the ivory billed woodpecker, the fire technician is a rare and elusive being. Similar to birdwatching, the skill of fire technician-viewing is one that can only truly be cultivated through years of study and practice. This comprehensive guide can set a curious Blazer on the right track to catching a glimpse of a rogue fire technician.

Editor's Note: Silver Chips Online attempted to reach out to the fire technician for a comment, but he could not be found.



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