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Jan. 19, 2005
Another un-"Elektra"-fying action flick
In "Elektra," the newest Marvel comic-to-movie flick, sultry assassin Elektra (Jennifer Garner) chases after evil kung-fu bad guys plotting to steal a 13-year-old kung-fu prodigy, a young girl named Abby (Kirsten Prout).
Poor Elektra: in order to protect the young prodigy, who could possibly tip the balance between the good and evil sides of a war, she has to fight off evil ninjas with special powers that could easily pacify top-notch karate masters like The Bride or Blade.
One of the evil ninjas, Typhoid (Natassia Malthe), for example, can curse her enemies with a Midas-like touch of disease; everything she touches decays or dies. Not to worry, though, Elektra can handle Typhoid's curses.
If only all those years spent training deep in the heart of the Himalayan mountains under the tutelage of expert kung-fu monks could help "Elektra" and its creators battle off the curses of modern-day filmmaking. One curse after another, like the Curse of Underdeveloped Characters, the Curse of Tacky Set Design, the Curse of Gaudy Special Effects, the Curse of Gaping Plot Holes and countless others too scary to mention, bombard "Elektra," allowing the flick to join countless other worthless American action movies.
"Worthless American action movies" do not include classics like the "Die Hard" movies or the first "Blade"; they are classics, regardless of their tackiness. Movies like "Hellboy" and the other two "Blades," in contrast, are worthless.
Movies like "Die Hard" are curse-free; they have all the wonderful goodies necessary for action movie treasure. Loud, exotic guns and vivid, violent explosions make "Elektra"'s flashy fire explosions look lame and garish.
Good action movies have rad, highly stylized montages that can be remembered for eons of cultures. A hallmark of a good action movie is in the opening of "Blade," when Wesley Snipes slices all the vampires with his shiny katana to the tune of seizure-inducing techno.
Sadly, all the action and especially dialogue in "Elektra" is laden with esoteric back-story that only comic-book enthusiasts can understand, assuming they aren't already ogling Garner's red-corset-clad frame, which hides none of her, how do you say, curves.
Such a pity, too, that "Elektra" has to turn out all bad; there is a glimmer of hope in the very beginning. A voiceover describes the history of the mysterious Order of the Hand, an evil cult determined to overthrow the natural yin and yang of the world in their favor. Just as the voice sets the mood, the assassin Elektra moves in for the stunning kill on one of her jobs.
But all that thrilling drama flops when Elektra's enigmatic style stalls midway through the movie to make room for the kung-fu action. As she stops developing as a character, the movie's development melts into a sticky mess. Questions like, "Why are these people running around in an orchard?" seem to be the standard question now; confusion replaces the original intrigue.
Eventually, all that "Elektra" has to offer is occult references and neatly shot flashbacks in Elektra's life. It is a pity that "Elektra" could not continue its decently stylized beginning; the movie had potential to be entertaining and electrifying. But the reality is jamming a paper-clip into the nearest outlet is more electrifying than this comic-book flop.
Poor Elektra: in order to protect the young prodigy, who could possibly tip the balance between the good and evil sides of a war, she has to fight off evil ninjas with special powers that could easily pacify top-notch karate masters like The Bride or Blade.
One of the evil ninjas, Typhoid (Natassia Malthe), for example, can curse her enemies with a Midas-like touch of disease; everything she touches decays or dies. Not to worry, though, Elektra can handle Typhoid's curses.
If only all those years spent training deep in the heart of the Himalayan mountains under the tutelage of expert kung-fu monks could help "Elektra" and its creators battle off the curses of modern-day filmmaking. One curse after another, like the Curse of Underdeveloped Characters, the Curse of Tacky Set Design, the Curse of Gaudy Special Effects, the Curse of Gaping Plot Holes and countless others too scary to mention, bombard "Elektra," allowing the flick to join countless other worthless American action movies.
"Worthless American action movies" do not include classics like the "Die Hard" movies or the first "Blade"; they are classics, regardless of their tackiness. Movies like "Hellboy" and the other two "Blades," in contrast, are worthless.
Movies like "Die Hard" are curse-free; they have all the wonderful goodies necessary for action movie treasure. Loud, exotic guns and vivid, violent explosions make "Elektra"'s flashy fire explosions look lame and garish.
Good action movies have rad, highly stylized montages that can be remembered for eons of cultures. A hallmark of a good action movie is in the opening of "Blade," when Wesley Snipes slices all the vampires with his shiny katana to the tune of seizure-inducing techno.
Sadly, all the action and especially dialogue in "Elektra" is laden with esoteric back-story that only comic-book enthusiasts can understand, assuming they aren't already ogling Garner's red-corset-clad frame, which hides none of her, how do you say, curves.
Such a pity, too, that "Elektra" has to turn out all bad; there is a glimmer of hope in the very beginning. A voiceover describes the history of the mysterious Order of the Hand, an evil cult determined to overthrow the natural yin and yang of the world in their favor. Just as the voice sets the mood, the assassin Elektra moves in for the stunning kill on one of her jobs.
But all that thrilling drama flops when Elektra's enigmatic style stalls midway through the movie to make room for the kung-fu action. As she stops developing as a character, the movie's development melts into a sticky mess. Questions like, "Why are these people running around in an orchard?" seem to be the standard question now; confusion replaces the original intrigue.
Eventually, all that "Elektra" has to offer is occult references and neatly shot flashbacks in Elektra's life. It is a pity that "Elektra" could not continue its decently stylized beginning; the movie had potential to be entertaining and electrifying. But the reality is jamming a paper-clip into the nearest outlet is more electrifying than this comic-book flop.
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