In a time when Montgomery County is wracked by fatal shootings and direct threats to children, Katie Holmes’s boyfriend problems are hardly frightening. And they’re even less interesting. The trials and tribulations of her white middle class college life seem so mundane, so tiresomely useless, that the entire movie collapses around the silliness of its basic premise.

In this “teeny-bopper-actors-go-to-college" flick, intrigue and mystery are thick—so thick, in fact, that the plot is utterly incomprehensible. Even the surprise ending twist—the real surprise being that the film actually managed to make it somewhat shocking—leaves you wondering what, exactly, the point and purpose was. Perhaps to see Katie Holmes change clothes over and over again?

Oh, but her clothes are so cute. And so is everything else about our picture-perfect little Ivy League heroine who quickly proves that not only is she adorable, she’s also brilliant and popular. Katie Holmes plays Katie Burke (could the name be any less original?), a graduate student still traumatized about the disappearance of her boyfriend Embry Lagan (Charlie Hunnam). The entire movie consists of Embry flashbacks mixed with the current storyline of an ex-alcoholic detective named Wade Handler (Benjamin Bratt) searching for Embry.

Predictably, Wade falls for Katie after questioning her about Embry’s disappearance. Yet one nagging factor remains to block their nascent love affair: Embry. Apparently, he’s back, slinking secretively around campus for no apparent reason. As Katie struggles through writing her thesis, she realizes that Embry is stalking her, finding notes scribbled on desks and experiencing odd occurrences within her dorm.

Why Embry would be stalking Katie is never made clear; why Katie would be afraid of the man she loved and longed to see again is even more bewildering. Interspersed bits about her relationships with her peers seem haphazard and unrelated, lending a sort of grab bag feel to the already choppy, overly complicated movie.

But the disappearance of one of Katie’s friends lends some credibility to her seeming illusions and creates the first truly intriguing question: is Embry real or a figment of Katie’s imagination? Interesting, certainly…but not interesting enough to base an entire story around. That question is the only discernible point of watching two hours of Katie wandering about aimlessly, making every possible dumb chick in a horror flick mistake.

Although the genre classification of “horror" is quite an overstatement—lukewarm teenage melodrama is far more accurate. The characters are supposedly adults yet the only possible audience for this film is pre-teens who could gush over the tepid love story. The acting is of infantile quality; of course, actors with Dawson’s Creek and Bring it On as their main resume points generally tend to discredit a film.

Making a good movie involves selecting a powerful story, casting, directing, and entertaining. Abandon fails at all of the above.