Silver Chips Online

Ask Chips: Where trite meets wordplay

Warning: readers may experience Dijon vu - the same mustard as before

By Anya Gosine, Online Managing, Op/Ed and Food Editor, Mandy Xu, News and Entertainment editor and Liv Jacobson, Online Entertainment Editor
May 5, 2011
Welcome, readers of SCO! You are part of a very lucky and blessed group to have come across the last Ask Chips this year. We know, we will be dearly missed.

And please note that as we are writing this, it has passed midnight. We just deleted a bunch of spam from our sacred AC inbox and our sanity is inversely proportional to the passing of time. Just keep that in mind.

Now, to the questions. LET’S GO.

Janice asks, “How can I ask my crush out to prom?”
Big smiles and mysterious posters are always a good way to ask someone to prom.
Big smiles and mysterious posters are always a good way to ask someone to prom.
Dearest Janice,
There are definitely many creative ways to ask someone to prom. Figure out what they’re interested in and mold your grand gesture around that (e.g. posting a gallery on SCO with posters spelling "PROM," to ask our beloved Editor-in-Chief). Things like original songs, acapella groups and flowers for your prospective date are always charming. Just remember, when approaching your crush the most important thing is to BE YOURSELF!

Unless, of course, you are a freak, in which case you should strongly disobey said advice. How do you know if you are a freak? Some indicators include spending lengthy amounts of time on the computer and reading this article. We joke, we joke. We love our readers.
Love,
AC

Nocturnal asks: I’m having a huge problem falling asleep at night but I can fall asleep during the day. What should I do?

Nocturnal, you are not alone. Probably about 99.9% of the students at Blair don’t get enough sleep and find themselves drifting off in their classes. There could be a lot of legitimate sleep problems going on here, but obviously the real cause is that you’re a vampire. You might not be able to accept this fact, but not falling to sleep at night and sleeping during the day is the first warning sign of being a vampire. The second is having the ability to turn into a bat (or sparkle - depends on what kind of vampire you are). We can’t say for sure whether you have this ability through the Internet, but if you do, you might want to invest in a coffin to sleep in after school. Sweet vampire dreams!

What's that? Our saliva glands are tingling. Courtesy of Fraiche
What's that? Our saliva glands are tingling.
The Seeker asks, “Do you find it evident that over time more things in the world are worsening than are improving and if so, will the world continue to fall ever further into the pit of negativity or will life eventually turn around to redeem itself of its net failures? If you do not find it evident, in what ways are things in the world improving? Please explain your interpretation of "things", "worsening", and "improving". Was your answer in any way influenced by your initial level of optimism/pessimism?”

We find that things in the world are improving. Here are some examples of our interpretation of good “things”:
1) FroYo shops.
2) A Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II trailer
3) The short amount of time until the end of school.
4) Great blogs reminding us of the good things in life we forget about.
Our answer wasn’t really influenced by our optimism or pessimism, but rather by our initial level of annoyance after we read this one question which really turned out to be multiple questions in one. It’s AP season - you gotta go easy on us.

Shaky Hands asks: So every time I eat a bowl of cereal in the morning, the song “Friday” pops into my mind. How can I stop this?

Perhaps you can concentrate on controlling your shaky hands. Think about how lawsuits you would get if you, say, became a surgeon and accidentally nicked a blood vessel. We suggest you take AP Chemistry and practice maintaining steady hands in labs to prepare. As a general courtesy, inform your lab partner of your problem so she can find someone else to work with. We believe in you! As Descartes once said, “Mind over matter.”

Sally, grade 9, asks, “Why is SCO so awesome?”
Barney Stinson is our hero not just because he's awesome but because he makes terrible puns. See picture above. Courtesy of CBS
Barney Stinson is our hero not just because he's awesome but because he makes terrible puns. See picture above.


When we get sad, we stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story!
Insert shameless plug for underclassmen to take journalism and find out how awesome SCO really is.

Confused asks: Why does my love life suck so much?

Well, Confused, your love life probably doesn’t suck as much as you think. Everyone who isn’t madly in love with somebody is most likely thinking the same thing as you, and they are all probably wrong. To be sappy, it must be said that there’s probably nothing wrong with you and you are beautiful, no matter what they say, words won’t bring you down! If people just don’t like talking to you, it could be a sign of bad breath. The most likely cause your love problems is just that both boys and girls suck. No matter your gender preference, they just seem to always be confusing and silly. Unfortunately, there’s no real cure to a sucky love life, so here’s a link to a
cute cat video.

iMake asks, “How do I make things?”

Really, this question is too long and complicated, so we’ll just give the best answer we can think of. Which is... yeah that’s too deep and philosophical. Maybe you’re like those gucci aliens who asked questions in our last edition of Ask Chips. The only person who has the brain capacity to answer this is probably Stephen Hawking. Unfortunately, he’s too busy being awesome, along with Barney Stinson.

What can we say, we're just too cheesy. Courtesy of Kont Rast
What can we say, we're just too cheesy.
Alum asks, “I miss Blair! How can you make those silly people who are still there appreciate how great it is? (I know you think it's not.)”

Though this is supposed to be a quirky humor article, the seniors in this Ask Chips trifecta are about to get serious and seriously cliched. Our four years at Blair have been filled with so many extreme ups and downs, we feel like we’re bungee jumping. Through it all, high school teaches us how to deal with our lives when things go wrong - horribly wrong - with elegance. Remember those awkward moments on the traffic zone, Blair Boulevard, after lunch ends? On that very hallway, one of the AC seniors - who shall remain unnamed - spilled her lunch on a girl’s foot, bent down to clean it up and socked the girl in the nose when she stood back up. But more than that, Blair teaches us the best way to savor the good times: having witty banter during classes with a cool teacher, getting into that first serious relationship and meeting incredibly unique people.

For us senile retiring editors, SCO has been an amazing time. We look back fondly at those wonderful conversations via e-mail because we’re not used to direct human interaction. All jokes aside, we are so proud of the junior staffers for their commitment to quality journalism and learning how to make bad puns.

If there is only one thing we can say: underclassmen, just take high school for what it is because it will always surprise you.

http://silverchips.mbhs.edu/story/10909