"300" Points

March 11, 2007, midnight | By Simon Kanter | 17 years, 4 months ago

Out of a possible ten

Warning: the following paragraph contains absolutely no accurate information

Scientists, film critics, politicians, professionals of all sorts, men, women and children of all ages and a random guy on the street who claims he's from the future all agree that "300" was the best movie ever filmed.

You may now resume trusting this article

That aside, Frank Miller's "300" was truly a well-conceived, immaculately directed and hauntingly powerful movie. A swirling milieu of stunningly beautiful cinematography, fight choreography and music arrangements produced a total sensory overload that will leave viewers simultaneously depressed and empowered. But whatever the emotion, any fan of epic action movies will be overwhelmingly satisfied.

Just to get it out of the way, here were the disadvantages: There was a bit of sappy romance and unnecessarily passionate politics (it could be said there was a bit of unnecessarily passionate romance and sappy politics as well). Secondly, some have mentioned that they didn't altogether like the stop-start slow-motion presentation of the fight scenes. Lastly, the faint of heart and those unable to view gory stuff without

  • vomiting
  • cringing
  • shrieking like a banshee
  • sobbing uncontrollably
  • turning to your boyfriend and saying "we can't watch this"

Are advised to stay out of a 5 block radius of any theater playing this movie. While it wasn't as gory as, say, any five-minute clip of one of the "Saw" movies, "300" did include a number of decapitations, lacerations and full-frontal stabulations. Let's just say there were a lot of close-ups of sharp objects going through people.

And now to refute everything in the last two paragraphs: Sappy romance and unnecessary politics added another dimension to the plot, albeit a small, sort of twisted one. These scenes also gave viewers a chance to come up for air after being deluged with ungodly amounts of ridiculously awe-inspiring gratuitous violence. Secondly, while some have mentioned they didn't like the director's portrayal of fight scenes, these same people are also registered communists. Not to discredit them personally or anything. Lastly, gore is excellent and really completed the brutally devastating image of the Spartan soldier.

In terms of acting, it wasn't really anything meritorious of an Oscar, but every actor filled their role well. King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) was an incredibly powerful presence both physically and mentally throughout the entire movie (not to mention possessing a really crucial beard), despite his mildly Scottish accent. There weren't too many other notable performances, but absolutely all of the actors meshed well with their parts, and the screenwriter (Zack Snyder) did a good job of keeping the dialogue from becoming hokey and typically fantasized (see "Lord of the Rings"). The characters themselves, as taken from Frank Miller's graphic novel by the same name, were appropriately epic and dished out heaping plates of justice.

"300" also had some striking cinematographic elements that set the movie a notch or two above other fantasy epics of its kind. While the Lord of the Rings trilogy was shot with a sickly, cold blue pall cast across the scene, "300" featured this effect only when appropriate, presenting a warm yellow or harsh grey tone the rest of the time. The entire movie also appeared to be digitally re-mastered to eliminate imperfections and create, essentially, a flawless hyper-reality that just added to the overwhelming effect of the movie. As mentioned before, the slow-motion fight scenes seemed to add an extra kiloton of force behind every spear thrust. Unique camera angles ensured that no two kills looked alike. The sound effects and music also comprised a vital part of the movie. The sound of time slowing down and then speeding up right before impact and the epic music in the background made the movie even more powerful.

"300" is a film with uncompromising cinematographic value, flawless sound coordination and some of the most obscenely fantastic fight scenes ever to be commercially screened. Any action-lover who hasn't seen this movie has no right to identify themselves as such. "300" has also been proscribed by many doctors to treat what is known as "PGRDD," or post-"Ghostrider" disappointment disorder, for those who actually thought "Ghostrider" was going to be a good action movie and were horribly let down. This epic action title will be a hard act for any film to follow in 2007.

"300" runs 117 minutes and is rated R for graphic battle sequences throughout, some sexuality and nudity.

Simon Kanter. Simon "The Food Guy" Kanter is the silliest person you will ever meet. Though his true joy in life is posting recipes, Simon finds time to spend patting himself on the back for his witty remarks, breeding Trogdors, stealing markers, staplers and other convenient appliances, … More »

Show comments


No comments.

Please ensure that all comments are mature and responsible; they will go through moderation.