Digging deep in partners' pockets

Where only first names appear, names have been changed to protect the identities of the source.

Karen, a freshman, looked over at Mike, her boyfriend of one week, and couldn't stop smiling. She knew it wasn't Mike's thoughtfulness that made her so happy, or the way he called her right after school and right before bed, or the way he walked her to all of her classes and carried her books. Her joy had more to do with the diamond necklace and matching bracelet she'd just finished unwrapping for her birthday in a box signed "Love, Mike."

After a long and healthy friendship with Mike, Karen found out that he liked her in the mid-December. Although she did not return his feelings and knew the relationship would probably end, Karen decided to try it, sure that she would at least be treated like a princess. She was right. Though she never got emotionally attached to Mike, as gold diggers avoid doing, her short-lived relationship did leave her jewelry box a little brighter.

The term "gold digger" first originated from the idea of younger women dating older men for their riches, but it has grown to encompass even teen relationships started for the purpose of material gain. At Blair, most agree that though their relationships have no shortage of material gain, they suffer from a lack of true feelings.

"Never say no"

After dating her boyfriend for a few weeks, Mary, a senior, realized that she simply didn't like him. But she stayed with him for a few more months, not in hopes that she would find feelings for him, but because he had always treated her to the best VIP tickets to clubs and concerts in the Washington, D.C., area.

For Sarah, a junior, a real relationship wasn't even necessary for her to get what she wanted. Since June, Sarah has simultaneously dated four people, though without committing herself to any of them, and none of them knew about the other three. Together, they covered her phone bill, her shoes, clothes, jewelry, entertainment and pocket money.

Spending anywhere from two days to three weeks with a guy, Sarah found that all she had to do to get what she desired was drop a hint. "I'd say something like `Man, I wish I had that MP3 player,' and I got it," she says.

She points to her shoes, a clean pair of Air Force Ones, and smiles. "These took me two days," she says. That, along with a pair of Jordan Dub Zeros, a pair of Nikes and a few pieces of jewelry were all she knew she could get from one of the four, so their relationship was short-lived. She followed a very simple rule, she says: "Never say no when they give you free stuff." And Sarah could never say no, especially when one of the guys continues to pay her $120 monthly phone bill after purchasing her a Verizon camera phone.

Sarah entered all four relationships with the sole intention of getting what she wanted. Though she never sought out the richest boy, she says, she could easily judge from the first few dates who would be willing to spend money on her and who wouldn't. After dating for a short time, Sarah would evaluate the amount the guy had spent that evening and decide whether she would be able to squeeze more out of him. If he tried to impress her with his money, then she would spend the next few days or weeks convincing him that she had feelings for him. "I'd tell them I cared about him, I was there for them, whatever they wanted to hear," she says. "That's all you have to do."

She considers her gold digging as a form of revenge for a broken heart. After her boyfriend of six months cheated on her at the end of last year, Sarah, angry at all boys, finds comfort in knowing that now she has had the last laugh.

For Karen and Mary, however, gold digging was unplanned, though both admit to have benefited from staying in otherwise pointless relationships. "I didn't mean to take advantage of him," says Karen. "But the boy did have money." Though Karen knew that she could get more from Mike, her guilt soon overwhelmed her. After a week of collecting jewelry, a few teddy bears and flowers, Karen ended the relationship. Since then, neither Karen nor Mary has made a habit of staying in material-based relationships.

Looking for love

Sarah, however, has no regrets over choosing material goods. All she had to do was make sure that she didn't get emotionally involved with any of the guys. "You don't put your feelings into it," she says.

But even Sarah says her gold digging days are over. Though her past relationships have left her wardrobe and her pockets a little fuller, in the end, she would rather have a committed relationship.

Now, Sarah is dating someone whom she enjoys spending time with, and she no longer feels the need to use men for money. Though she feels that using men for material gain has helped her heal from a broken heart, she know understands that the absence of attachment and caring makes these relationships very dissatisfying. "The fact that someone cares enough to give you stuff makes you feel loved," she says. "But later, you find out it wasn't really love."