Disarray in California

Oct. 21, 2003, midnight | By Vivek Chellappa | 17 years, 3 months ago

Schwarzenegger to lead state

Disclaimer: Although the following encounter never happened, this piece is provided because it could...

With the election won, Governor-elect Schwarzenegger and his close-knit circle of political advisors planned on holding their first meeting to decide the future of California. Except when the time came, Schwarzenegger was nowhere to be seen.

The chairman of the transition team, David Dreier broke the news to the rest of the advisors. "The Governor wants a pay raise, and he refuses to leave his trailer until he gets one."

Susan Estrich, a liberal law professor asked to help the campaign wrung her hands in disgust. "We have an eight billion dollar deficit. How can we afford to give him more money? He'll be hounded for this."

Dean Andal, chief budgetary official for the Republican Party broke in. "There could be some merit in his request. The Governor-elect will certainly have to work hard to raise this state out of its crisis. Surely a small increase could do no harm."

At that moment, Schwarzenegger's agent from Creative Artists Agency walked into the room.

Chairman Dreier broke the ice. "What will it take for us to get Arnold to this meeting."

The agent saw the question coming. "He wants to renegotiate his contract with the Republican Party now that he has won the election. He knows that he's more valuable now, and he wants his fair market value."

Dreier took charge. "We need Arnold now. What if the press hears of this? Tell us what it takes, and it will be done."

The agent outlined his plans. "Arnold wants weekends off, a provision stating that he doesn't have to kiss babies, and a 50% salary increase."

Dreier comprised. "We'll give him Sunday off, a 40% increase, but he'll have to kiss at least 10 babies a week."

The agent consented. Within minutes, Schwarzenegger entered the room. "Let's get to work. My state needs me."

The agent cleared his throat. Arnold checked the calendar. It was Sunday.

"California can wait one more day," were his parting words as he left the meeting.

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Vivek Chellappa. As Vivek beings his final year in Blair, several new hobbies draw his attention: his passion for standup comedy and making lists with only one real piece of information. Vivek has recently developed a strong liking for the works of Mitch Hedberg, Dave Chapelle and … More »

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