FAKE NEWS: Bush picks Secretary of Education by name yet again

Silver Chips Online Disclaimer: This story is intended purely for humor purposes and all quotes have been made up. However, the appointment for Secretary of Education is real, and all of the members of Congress listed are current Senators and Representatives.

President Bush named Margaret Spellings as his new Secretary of Education on Wednesday, Nov. 17, continuing a trend of selecting cabinet members based on their names.

Spellings replaces Rod Paige, who has held the office since the start of Bush's first term. Paige was the result of a spelling mistake by the president, according to a top White House official. While trying to come up with good names of people who would promote reading in schools, Bush misspelled "page” and selected the wrong man for his cabinet.

Bush was careful this year not to repeat his past mistake. "I planned to appoint maybe [Rhode Island Sen.] Jack Reed or [Nevada Sen.] Harry Reid as the Secretary of Education, but [Vice President] Dick Cheney quickly pointed out that I'd be repeating a mistake I made in 2001,” Bush said. He explained that Cheney pointed out Spellings to him, advising the president that her appointment would correct the error he had made with Paige.

In an exclusive interview with the president, Silver Chips Online discovered his plan for a national personnel policy change in the executive branch. Bush cited several reasons for the mnemonic appointments. "It just makes it easier to remember these guys,” Bush said. "I mean really, how is a guy supposed to remember that Ann…Ann…er…Veneman! Ann Veneman is the Secretary of Agriculture? It makes no sense. But Spellings, BOOM! You know she's all about education.”

Bush then began to list his possible appointments for other positions on his cabinet. "My first term, we had to do a trial run with Paige. Now that we know it worked, I'm going to apply my strategy to the other cabinet positions,” the president stated. Plans include appointing Senator Don Nickles (R-OK) for Secretary of the Treasury, Congressman Duncan Hunter (R-CA) for Secretary of Defense, Congressman Steve Israel (D-NY) for Secretary of State, Congressman Harold Ford (D-TN) for Secretary of Transportation and Congressman David Price (D-NC) for Secretary of Commerce.

After his cabinet picking is complete, Bush plans to appoint John Spratt, a South Carolina congressman, as head of the President's Council on Physical Fitness. "After all,” Bush said, "Jack Spratt can eat no fat.”

To reiterate, this story is fictitious. President Bush did not say any of these things, and the only real appointment mentioned above was that of Margaret Spellings for the Secretary of Education.