Chips bachelors party
Answers compiled by Vivek Chellappa, Jeffrey Dunn and Ely Portillo.
Due to the extreme volume of very high-level math questions Ask Chips has been receiving from one reader, Jeff Dunn and his expert team of magnets have been forced to take a few weeks off to rest and recover. This means that Ely Portillo, editor-in-chief and CAP student, will be forced to take over these questions. He has the math skills of a small, unintelligent lemur, but he will try his best to respond.
A math student asks: "What is the value of the definite integral, using the p-adic valuation metric, of x^2 * dx, from x = 0 to x = 1, in terms of p?”
Ely: Wow "math student," I thought you'd at least start off with a tough one. Anyway, down to business. The value of the definite integral is definitely pretty big. We'll use the cotangent multi-phase cross simulation of Chellappa's Theorem to prove the first value. From x=0 to x=1, there's obviously little variation. Therefore, x = 2. In terms of p, that problem was p retty easy (haha, get it?)!
A math student asks: "Given a polynomial time, polynomial space, Turing machine that can violate the quadratic residuosity assumption, how can the RSA cryptosystem be broken?”
Ely: There are several ways to break the RSA cryptosystem. Any standard-sized bat, tire iron or strong blunt object applied with sufficient force should work.
A math student asks: "How do you prove the Chinese Remainder Theorem?”
Ely: Easy, that one's not even a math question. As of now, approximately 1,298,847,624 Chinese remain in China. Check out the CIA Factbook to verify.
A math student asks: "If we call x the number 0.000... where the nth digit of x after the decimal point is 0 if 4n+2 can be written as the sum of two primes, and 1 if 4n+2 can't be written as the sum of two primes is x = 0 true?”
Ely: Honestly, I'm so far from understanding what that question is asking that I don't know where to begin. I'm pretty sure you want to know if x = 0 is true. Maybe you should be asking yourself the real question – are you being true to yourself? No, really, I have no idea what this question means. Next!
A math student asks: "How do you prove that the only absolute valuation that is valid for a finite field is the trivial absolute valuation?”
Ely: This question requires a special kind of "meta-math" that I invented myself. First, lets take the numbers 0 – 10. Eliminate 2, 4, and 8 and add the squares of the rest together. Divide by the number of days in the month of your birthday and divide again by 13,045. Take this answer and square the tangent. Next, take the cube root and apply the Pythagorean Theorem to your answers. Write back when you've got these first steps done!