Ask Chips: Managing Editor style

Here we are, the real heart and soul of Chips, the ever-loving managing editors, and we're ready to answer your questions. So, for our first question of the day:

Oranges asks, "I have no question but can you post this anyway?"

Sure Oranges, we'd love to! Because we're just that awesome. Onto our next question, which will provide a little more substance for our consideration

Andrea asks, "If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?"

Let's think about this. Jordy's logic goes as such- Well, if you tried and succeeded, you failed, but then you failed at failing…so you succeeded at failing…so you did it right?

Alex, who is not as intellectual as Jordy, takes a simpler route—this question is too complicated. Next question.

The Pirate Queen asks, "Which side is SCO on in the epic Pirate vs. Ninja battle?"

ROBO-GRACE

Photo: Robo-Grace espousing her favorite phrase.

Robo-Grace espousing her favorite phrase. Photo courtesy of Alexander Gold.

This is really a silly question. Everyone knows that the epic battle of our age is the battle of robots vs. everyone else. As Online staff does not consist of robots (with the exception of Grace), we must fight with our brothers, the Ninjas and the Pirates, against the marauding robots, especially Grace.Thugology Major asks, "Do you know of any reputable institutes of higher learning that offer degees in the field? I'm running low on cash as well…are there any thugology scholarships available to a student of my caliber?"

Well, prospective thugology major, we're glad you asked. Our favorite school of thugology is ThUGZ, the THugology University of the Gangsta Zilver Chips Online, a highly reputable program for all those interested in thugology. With lead professor and renowned thugologist Mike Bushnell, ThUGZ offers a high quality thugology program in a competitive environment for all that junk in your trunk.

As for scholarships, you should really be able to pay for your own tuition if you expect to succeed in this rigorous academic environment. ::wink::

Black and White asks, "Who would win if the ever-popular Black and White staff had a lightsaber duel with the Silver Chips staff? We got mad lightsaber skillz... do you?"

In order to understand our answer, readers first must know the identity of our questioner as no other than the staff of the Black and White, a competitor of Silver Chips from Walt Whitman High School, better known as Darth Whitman.

Well, you asked the right people. Alex happens to be a Jedi Master, ninja, and master lightsaber duelist. Jordy's not, but she's cool anyway.

The clue to the answer of this question lies in the name of the Black and White. It is clear that their name is a reference to the two sides of the force, the light side and the dark side. Clearly the staff of the Black and White cannot decide whether they want to be good or evil. This failure to decide will ultimately fatally weaken their connection to the force, and Chips Online staff, with its wholehearted commitment to the light side of the force will easily defeat the indecisive Black and White.

The bearded asks, "I'd like to grow a nice beard, but I can't get my facial hair to come in nice and thick. Is it true that the more I shave, the thicker/rougher my beard will grow?"

Since Alex fails at growing a beard, and Jordy happens to be a girl, neither of us have much experience with beard-growing, so we defaulted to an expert. We asked Phil Olsen, self-appointed captain of Beard Team USA, which competes at the World Beard and Moustache Championships. This is not a joke.

In an email, Olsen writes, "No, I am sorry to say that shaving does not promote beard growth at all. In fact, the best way to grow a beard is

NOT to shave. Unfortunately, if someone is unhappy with the thickness/roughness of his beard, there is really nothing he can do about it. It seems to depend on age, heredity and testosterone, over which the potential beard grower has no control."There are a few coping strategies, however. First, it is possible to simply accept what one has and let the beard grow, resigning oneself to be happy with the results. Second, many people shave the areas of the beard that are thin and let the thick areas grow, resulting in either a goatee, or sideburns, or whatever depending on the individual's traits. Third, one can just wait, realizing that as a young man grows older, his beard tends to thicken and fill in where it is weak."