Insipidly Sweet Home Albama

The script is clichéd and the story's been done before… but never with characters this endearing. In Pretty Woman-esque style, Sweet Home Alabama covers up an intrinsically flawed and unrealistic plot with adorable actors and cutesy lines. Unfortunately, Alabama never quite measures up to the original fairytale, perhaps because it forgot one essential factor—the bad guy.

The movie apparently abhors unattractive people as much as it endorses irresponsible, immature behavior whenever the perpetrators are cute enough. Everything's so southern sugarcoated, the film seems to be a recreated Candyland, only with Civil War reenactments and idyllic country festivals replacing gumdrops and licorice. And like Candyland, despite its inanity and silliness, Alabama's still fun.

Centering on the lovely, blonde, stylish Melanie Carmichael (Reese Witherspoon, inevitably charming at any time), the film explains Melanie's burgeoning career as a fashion mogul, simultaneously showcasing her picture-perfect relationship with a senator's son, Andrew (Patrick Dempsey). Of course, he proposes—I'm warning you, he really is disgustingly perfect— and Melanie accepts, after a brief flash of indecision.

Apparently the indecision stems from Melanie's hidden past, something Andrew has never thought to uncover until now. After piddling about the issue, Melanie finally explains that no, Andrew cannot visit her wealthy Alabama plantation family, and that she must make the trip alone. Perhaps a bit suspicious, but Andrew (being perfect), is completely understanding and reasonable.

Melanie makes her way down to her home, which—shocking!—is in a poor, somewhat rundown small town, something she is curiously ashamed of. Now I'm confused— don't celebrities nowadays want to come from poverty? J.Lo's all about "making her way up from the Bronx," Jewel lived in a car— really, Alabama's nothing in comparison to the outlandish tales some superstars tell.

Anyway, turns out Melanie's past mainly concerns a southern boy named Jake (Josh Lucas). The cast's attractiveness turns up a few notches as Melanie and Jake fight over divorce papers. See, Jake took Melanie to the back of his truck one night in high school, and, well, go figure. She got pregnant, they got married, she lost the baby, she left Alabama forever… until now.

Jake still loves Melanie—who couldn't love those big, blue, fluttering eyes—but tries to cover it up with anger and harsh words, refusing to give her a divorce. Waiting on Jake, Melanie wanders around town, meeting old friends and realizing everything she's missed out on back home in the Confederate state. Sprinkling in every Southern cliché imaginable, Melanie realizes where and with whom she really belongs.

Though it's definitely trite, the plot still has a few twist and turns, most notably the question of which man Melanie will choose. Of course, this carefully designed construction intended to retain viewer curiosity nearly collapses time after time, saved only by the serious acting abilities of both Lucas and Witherspoon.

Unfortunately, the actors' efforts are ultimately fruitless, because Melanie's end choice seems sporadic and impulsive, unwarranted by any of her previous actions or emotions. The film is caught in its own sticky sweet web and one man has to end up the rejected one. Avoiding negative feelings (also known as reality) at any cost, the movie decides to opt for a happy, go-lucky ending for everyone, even when the story's progressed beyond the point of this being remotely possible.

No more sugar in this lemonade, please, I'm already sick to my stomach.

SWEET HOME ALABAMA (PG-13, 110 minutes) – Contains profanity and sexual references. At area theaters.