Feb. 5, 2007, midnight | By Julie Zhu | 16 years, 1 month ago

The power of pronouns

Personal pronouns have been good to us over the years. After all, it was the "I have a dream" speech that helped materialize racial equality and "We will fight on the beaches" that inspired British and American troops to trump the Germans on the shores of France. But in our fast-paced, laptop-hugging, cell phone-glued-to-ear society, personal pronouns have evolved from replacing proper nouns to preceding simple objects as prefixes.

For example, we no longer listen to tunes, but iTunes. And instead of watching the tube, we watch YouTube. Picture new iFridges, iSofas, iToilets. iScared, and I know u2 are frightened. Personal pronouns are revolutionizing the advertising industry.

In the tumultuous year of 2006, President Bush could not "stay the course" or "shock and awe" the nation with trite phrases such as "bring 'em on" and "mission accomplished." So at the dawn of 2007, he studied his marketing skills and took full advantage of the commercial benefits of the personal pronoun in the State of the Younion Address. He needed something truly innovative to boost his proposed troop "surge" in iRack. In plain language, he pronounified his guesstimate policies, the yousual Bushisms.

iRack, he said, "continues to flaunt its hostility toward America," that is, if he means the torture rack at Gitmo. And pesky iRan "aggressively… exports terror." But his new strategy did not appear to convince the new Democrat-majority yousurped Congress that his 20,000 troop surge in iRack was necessary. And perhaps by 2008, iRack will have morphed into iWreck. At least before then, the iPhone will have come out to younite the world; together, wii may be able to remain at peace a little while longer.

Julie Zhu. Despite her innocent appearance, Julie Zhu is a demon at heart. She enjoys fire breathing, serial commas, (,!) and eating the remains of art staffers. Warning: Don't be surprised if you see her busting a move in the 260s hallway. More »

Show comments


No comments.

Please ensure that all comments are mature and responsible; they will go through moderation.