No Fooling: It's Time for a Revolution

April 1, 2004, midnight | By Kedamai Fisseha | 20 years, 2 months ago

Actually, we are fooling. The following is just a little April humor. The contents of this story are fabricated, meaning that we made them up.

With the senior editors gone to attend some newspaper conference six thousand miles away, the Silver Chips Online juniors have definitely taken over. From here on out, Silver Chips is going straight for the juicy news – no more of the serious, in-depth reporting; the people want scandal!

On the eve of this wonderful transition, we, the collective staff, have compiled a list of stories that will be released soon. And (drumroll), here they are:

Britney Spears hooks up with Blair teacher

After performing at Sankofa on Feb. 27, pop star Britney Spears approached a Blair math teacher as he was leaving the event and proposed to him. Shocked yet stoked, the teacher quickly removed his wedding ring and assented.

The two immediately…

[Hahaha. That one'll win a Pulitzer for sure – just wait till it's done. This next one is a little more serious though, so sober up.]

Blair Quidditch team charged of steroid use

In a concerted effort on March 29, Montgomery County Police Chief Charles Moose [hahaha] and the Blair athletics division tested every single member of Blair's renowned Quidditch team and found that all of them use steroids, BIG TIME. (Yeah, like major league baseball BIG TIME)

In a statement over the loudspeaker this morning, Athletic Director Dale Miller…

[They sure busted those guys. Just remember who brought you the story (or at least half of it) first: the new and improved Silver Chips! Moving right along, this next article is no doubt set for the front page; it's got everything you could ever want in a story, obviously, Beyonce Knowles.]

Lead singer of Destiny's Child visits Blair

Beyonce Knowles came to Blair on March 31 during second period to enroll her younger sister, Solange Knowles, as a Blair senior. When mobbed in the hallway by crazy fans, Beyonce took out a liter can of pepper spray and extinguished [all puns intended] the crowd. After the incident, Solange decided not to attend Blair.

Directly following her decision…

[Go Beyonce. Go Beyonce. And don't come back ‘til I finish washing this pepper spray out of my hair. In a similar story, Whitney Houston visited Blair…]

Singer Whitney Houston visits Blair

Whitney Houston was found sleeping on Blair Boulevard Monday morning by a member of the building services staff.

When asked what she was doing in the school, Houston replied that she was looking for the Quidditch team room and then went back to sleep.

Administrators immediately…

[Let's not even bring Mr. Bobby Brown into this, ok?]

All in all, things are definitely looking up for Silver Chips Online. Yup, give us two weeks and we'll really put Blair on the map. To all you Blazers out there reading this, remember, if you want to be in the newspaper, do something crazy – we'll definitely write about it.

Note from the Editors: Do we have to even say APRIL FOOLS?

Tags: print

Kedamai Fisseha. Kedamai Fisseha sorely misses the computer lab where Silver Chips was born and is daily reborn. He is currently living and writing from London, England where he is glad for the chance to continue his participation in the organization. More »

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