snoWatch


May 28, 2004, midnight | By Branden Buehler KC Costanzo | 16 years, 7 months ago

Summer edition


There's no doubt about it. When it comes to predicting snowfall, the Silver Chips Online Weather Team is number one. Over the course of a year, the snoWatch gurus managed to correctly project when school would be canceled nearly half of 50% of the time. Now, due to gross plagiarism of National Weather Service press releases and complete ignorance of anything related to the science of weatherology, Branden Buehler and KC Costanzo have been fired. Before the weather team disbands, however, Silver Chips Online is more-or-less proud to present snoWatch: Summer Edition.

Here's what weather.com is predicting:

June

» Average high: 84 degrees

» 15% chance of scantily clad cute neighbor mowing the lawn

» 80% chance of scantily clad middle-aged hairy neighbor mowing the lawn

» 0% chance of light wintry mix

July

» Average high: 89 degrees

» Possible snow accumulation: 0.1 inches (+/- 0.1 margin of error)

August

» Average high: 87 degrees
» 0% chance of Silver Chips Online-owned van with snoWatch painted on the side becoming a reality . . . . unless you fund it! Send money to:
Save the van project
51 University Blvd. East
Silver Spring, MD 20901
(Only unmarked bills accepted)

» According to the people who know about this stuff: "Blub." - Frosty the Snowman

Chips' best guess: 100% chance of closure, 100% chance of at least a two-hour delay. MCPS is always on the lookout for signs of a surprise snowstorm such as an unanticipated drop in the temperature, an overcast sky, or the sudden formation of ice cubes in the freezer. Any of these provides the superintendent with justification for shutting down the schools indefinitely or at least until an opportunity to win an award presents itself. With this in mind, you would think school would be open all summer, but it seems likely that school will be cancelled anyway. Sure, it will be sunny. Sure, there will be warm weather. But Superintendent Jerry Weast has already booked a long cruise in the Bahamas, and there's no way he's going to cancel it just so you can get another 2.5 months of free education.

snoWatch discussion: Imagine you lived in an area where it was so cold that when you spit, your spit froze in midair. If you sent a video of such an incident to a television station claiming you were "Ice Man," a superhero blessed with the ability to subdue criminals with projectile frozen water, would they believe you?



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Branden Buehler. Branden Buehler is a senior in the magnet program. When he is not doing schoolwork, work for Silver Chips Online, or swimming for the Blair swim team, he could possibly be found playing foosball or playing his guitar and recording songs in a futile attempt … More »

KC Costanzo. Keith "KC" Costanzo is one of the brand-spanking-new editors-in-chief of <i>Silver Chips Online</i>. His responsibilities include maintaining the journalistic integrity of the paper and making sure no one spontaneously combusts due to the stress of deadlines. KC enjoys late night frisbee games and long hours … More »

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