Soulja Boy tells 'em nothing

The musical genius who brought us meaningless yet extremely popular tracks like "Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)" and "Get Silly" brings the same lackluster approach to his newest album, "iSouljaBoyTellem." Soulja Boy amazingly manages to make each of the 16 tracks on "iSouljaBoyTellem" as mindless as the next. From the bouncy beat of "Rubberbands" to the ridiculous "Wit My Yums On," Soulja Boy has established himself as an artist that should never, ever win a Grammy.

soulja boy new album

Photo: The rapper's newest album is almost completely unlistenable. Picture courtesy of Interscope Records .

The rapper's newest album is almost completely unlistenable. Picture courtesy of Interscope Records .

The first track, "I'm Bout Tha Stax," is the most obnoxious of Soulja Boy's newest songs. With an agitating backbeat, the song lacks any actual meaning or content. The pointless rhymes and disjointed beat give the impression that Soulja Boy is merely yelling a list of all the things he likes, his twisted version of Julie Andrews's "My Favorite Things." Always one for moving lyrics, he shouts: "I'm bout the swag, I'm bout the ice, I'm bout the stax."

With songs like "Booty Got Swag" and "Hey You There," "iSouljaBoyTellem" seems more a practical joke than a professional musical album. The rapper's complete lack of flow and creativity overshadows any semi-tolerable backbeat. Lines like "You acting monkey, we keep bananas," are not only incoherent but also make listeners wonder which studio producer thought it a good idea to let Soulja Boy record an album.

The album is a self-indulgent testament to Soulja Boy and just how awesome he thinks he is. On tracks like "Turn my Swag on" and "Gucci Bandana," the rapper repeatedly praises himself and boasts of his self-perceived talent. Unfortunately, unlike rappers like Kanye West and Lil' Wayne, who both claim to be and are considered by many as the best rappers alive, Soulja Boy's horrific track list is inversely related to his full-blown ego.

The rapper, if you can even call him that, does attempt to diversify the predominantly rap album with a few slow songs such as "Kiss Me Thru the Phone" and "Yamaha Mama." But despite the help of featured artists Sammie and Sean Kingston, the songs cannot be saved from Soulja Boy's off-key singing (has he heard of auto-tune?). Seeming lost in a genre where he can't shout the same phrase over and over again, Soulja Boy's performance in these slow songs comes across as pathetically half-hearted and out of place.

Unlike many rappers who choose to infuse their songs with meaning and a message, Soulja Boy's newest album is purely commercial and materialistic. Every song on the album is transparent and has to do with either a) girls, b) cars, c) money, d) designer clothes or e) a shallow combination of the above.

Lacking depth and meaning, "iSouljaBoyTellem" isn't worth time or money (at best, YouTube a couple tracks when you're feeling sorry for yourself). The only guarantee that comes with this album is that it will surely be forgotten in a few short weeks. "Crank Dat" was so bad it was good. This album is just that bad. Soulja Boy should take a permanent step away from the microphone and stick to creating ridiculous dance moves.