Take me out to the ball game

May 22, 2003, midnight | By Kent Anderson | 21 years ago

Warm weather. Tight outfits. Action. These three essential ingredients make up just about everything that is good in the world; Few self-respecting people dislike Baywatch or the boardwalk. However, a disturbing trend has recently surfaced at Blair and around the country. People have started to badmouth the ultimate in warm weather, tight-outfitted action of baseball.

For some reason (most likely a very bad one), far too many people have stopped watching the most interesting sport on television. Though the ill-informed may say that baseball is boring, no sport is more exciting, entertaining or deliciously American than good old stickball.

First, baseball is played with a ball. That might not sound like a big deal, but there are way too many ball-less pseudo-sports that people waste their time watching. Sure, gymnastics, track and NASCAR are sometimes cool, but let's face it, if the event doesn't contain this very simple object, or a variation of it, its not worth your time. A game without a ball, means you are most likely being subjected to a combination of explosions, violence or skimpy outfits. These spectacles are cheap substitutions for real sports and are nothing more than disguised reality shows. Real games are full of guts, glory and balls. No substitutions.

Second, things move fast. When there is a pitcher throwing around 100 miles per hour and a batter swinging at around the same speed, once they connect, what do you get? Well, without doing all the math involved, something bone-breakingly, wood-splinteringly fast.

Generally speaking, things that move fast are exciting. Heck, anything hauling at 100 miles per hour will turn heads. Baseball just adds a bunch of players running, sliding and diving. The action is fast and intense and nothing, in any sport, can compare to the sheer hilarity of an outfielder slamming mid-sprint into a wall.

Yes, there are some "people" who will say that the action of baseball is negated by the time taken between pitches. Even more people will claim that professional players "re-adjust" themselves entirely too much. But if you really look at the situation, you would see that there is less time taken between each pitch than between plays in a football game.

Another major advantage that baseball has over almost every other sport is no time limit. In baseball the door isn't shut until the last pitch. A Team can always come back, which translates into even more excitement, the good nail-biting, fist-pumping kind. Who wants to watch the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl when one team is up by 35? Nobody.

If you want a concrete, almost mathematical, reason why baseball is more fun to watch than other sports, look no further than the playing field itself. Basketball, football, soccer and lacrosse all have rectangular fields. Although you don't call your typical nerd a rectangle, you might as well, because it is just as boring as a square. How could a sport played on a diamond be boring? Everything about the word diamond is positive: they are shiny, incredibly valuable, and, most importantly, they are a girl's best friend.

So when you're sitting at home, on your couch, drinking soda and eating chips, don't spend your time watching those other boring professional sports. Over-paid geriatrics who can't create enough excitement to rival their collegiate counterparts don't deserve your attention. Make the right choice, watch the greatest show on dirt. Buy American. Watch baseball.

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