Victims of stalking recount trauma

The sophomore quickens her pace as the car inches slowly along University Blvd. She tenses as she sees the approaching vehicle out of the corner of her eye. Drawing in a sharp breath, she pauses as the stranger stops ahead, exits his car and stares at her, waiting.

This incident prevented Safa Ashrafi, now a junior, from walking home from school for the remainder of last year. Ashrafi categorizes the episode as stalking, and so did Blair's administration, which took legal measures to ensure that the man following Ashrafi would never set foot on Blair grounds.

While Ashrafi's encounter caused some stir, reports of teen stalking are by no means rare. According to the Survivors of Stalking website, ten percent of female victims and 12 percent of male victims are younger than 18, and child stalking usually precedes abduction.

The kid next door

Junior Stephanie Doyle remembers what bothered her most about her stalker: he was her neighbor and a Blair student.
"He goes to Blair, and I still see him in school—he rides my bus," she says. However, Doyle says that she was not familiar with the boy before he began following her last year. "I had no idea he even lived down my street," she says.

Doyle says that the persistency of her stalker caused her to feel agitated and anxious. "When he got his license, he would drive behind me when I was walking home and continuously ask me if I needed a ride," she says. Doyle sighs as she remembers his response to her firm "no."

"‘You sure? You sure?' he'd say," says Doyle. "He'd also write me notes that said stuff like, ‘I know you're probably involved with someone, but give me a chance.'"

While Doyle's situation did not specifically suggest a violent outcome, many experts would consider her stalker's behavior dangerous. According to Linden Gross, author of Surviving a Stalker: Everything You Need to Know to Keep Yourself Safe, behavior does not have to be noticeably violent to be considered stalking. "As soon as you see that someone is being overly persistent, you need to take the matter seriously," Gross says. "Although your pursuer may never resort to violence, the unwanted attention will most likely cause you discomfort and unpleasantness at the very least."

Stranger in the night

Unlike Doyle's experience, Ashrafi's encounter was with a stranger. These incidents can be even more harrowing, as the stalkers are completely unfamiliar and catch victims off guard.

Ashrafi's stalker was an older man. "He was 20-something," she remembers. Ashrafi says her stalker used flattery to pursue her. "He said, ‘I've been watching you, and you are so pretty—I thought you were a senior.' He then asked if I wanted to be his friend, and I said no," she recalls.

While Ashrafi remembers being afraid, she was cautious enough to employ an effective stalking countermeasure—she did not give him any personal information. According to Doreen Orion, a psychiatrist and author of I Know You Really Love Me: A Psychiatrist's Journal of Erotomania, Stalking and Obsessive Love, one of the most important things a victim can do is not reveal his or her telephone number, address or anything else that indicates the location of daily activities.

When Ashrafi's pursuer asked for her number on that fall afternoon, she gave him a fake one. "He then asked me to repeat it, but I remembered the fake number I gave, so he believed me," she says. Ashrafi was able to escape the situation unharmed, and her parents then contacted the school.
Sophomore Piper Hanson recalls a similar confrontation in Takoma Park during her freshman year. "I was walking to a bus stop at the corner of Maple and Tulip Avenue, and it was dark," she says. "There was a man walking on the other side of the street, but I didn't think much of it."

Hanson says that the man switched to her side of the street and began following her rapidly. Remembering her mother's advice, Hanson didn't break into a run and instead looked for a house with its porch lights on. When she found one, she ran to the house, only to hear the man pass by and say, "On Monday, lady." While Hanson says the man didn't follow up on his word, she feels her experience was the possible beginning of a stalking predicament.

Hanson stresses that the experience, while frightening, taught her some important lessons. "Don't panic, and don't even think of the worst case," she advises. "Look for a place to be, look for a porch light, and ring the doorbell like there's no tomorrow."

Crossing the line

While it's obvious that some behavior is inappropriate, stalking is still difficult to define. What appears to be flirting to one person may look like a creepy advancement to another.

Junior Terique Greenfield maintains that he has never stalked anyone; rather, he "approaches" girls. "Once I wanted to talk to this girl and she went into the bathroom, and I waited for her [outside]," he says. "I did watch her a couple of times."

Greenfield is quite clear on his definition of stalking. "You have to have an obsession to be a stalker—you have to invade their privacy." Greenfield asserts that he did not do any of those things. "I was more following than stalking," he says.

Senior Jennifer Kramer feels that she was wrongfully accused of being a stalker in her freshman year. "I was in a relationship, and he broke up with me but didn't tell me why," she explains. "I was frustrated."

Kramer created a new Instant Messaging screen name in order
to find out why her ex-boyfriend ended the relationship. When the guy discovered who the mysterious user was, he made it clear that he felt Kramer was stalking him.

Kramer says she was insulted. "I was a little offended," she says. "But stalking is knowing where someone is 24/7 and sending them threatening things."

A common problem for most victims, when there is no immediate danger present, is discerning between a joke and stalking. According to the Survivors of Stalkers website, repetition of unwarranted attention and threats is a signal that a person is a stalker and is not just kidding around.