Summon a Snow Day

Snow Days, capitalized out of respect, are the most revered, yet enigmatic, days in a student's calendar. Everyone – except parents – loves them. How can we not? A Snow Day is basically the Snow Gods smiling down on us and saying, "Hey everyone. Here's a whole day to waste on nothing but sledding and snowmen, and there's no homework." They are the best days ever.

However, Snow Days continue to be a mystery to the average student. Nobody knows when the next one will be, nobody knows why it always snows on Fridays (or, more recently, Saturdays), but most importantly, nobody knows if we're having one tomorrow except Dr. Starr. This is because no one can truly understand a Snow Day, or that crazy weather guy on Channel 9. It's an unsolved mystery: like why the dryer eats our socks.

But fear not, if we all work together and follow a few simple tasks, we can dismiss this tauntingly cold yet snowless winter and replace it with a whiter and more desirable wonderland. But before I divulge the secrets of a Snow Day, there are a few Snow Day Sins that must never be committed.

Do Not:

Loaf on all your homework: If you don't finish all your homework in anticipation of the next Snow Day, the Snow Gods are going to completely screw you over by making sure there is school the next day. Plus, who wants to spend a Snow Day inside doing homework when you could be outside? Try to predict a Snow Day: The Snow Gods take pride in surprising us at 5 a.m. with a foot of snow blanketing the world around us. Don't anger them by predicting a Snow Day and taking away that element of surprise. Unless you're SnoWatch, in which case it's fine.

If you do either of these things, the Snow Gods will frown on you, and all of us will suffer. #NotCool. But without further ado, here is how to please the Snow Gods and summon a Snow Day.

Do:

Flush ice cubes down the toilet: If the ground isn't freezing the snow can't stick. And the pipes in the toilet eventually go underground. And if the pipes get cold enough, the ground around it has to freeze. Right? Right. So it makes sense to flush as many ice cubes down your toilet as possible, so you can make your pipes cold enough to freeze the ground and makes lots of snow piles which will consequently make the roads unusable. Therefore, based on flawless logic, no one can get to school. Voila, Snow Day!

Do a crazy snow dance: Everyone knows about the snow dance and everyone has their own version, but every snow dance must include a few essentials. There must be a chant that is repeated over and over. I find that "Let it snow, oh mighty Snow Gods," seems to work quite well. Include a weird action, like skipping, running or jumping. Waddling like a duck or walking like an Egyptian are also acceptable. The dance should also be done with a sibling to make it more powerful. If you don't have a sibling, well, that's what parents are for. If the Snow Gods realize how important this Snow Day is to you, they are sure to sympathize. Turn your PJs inside out: Turning your PJs inside out is representative of turning the clouds inside out and dumping out all the snow in them. Duh. Everyone knows that. Plus, you're humiliating yourself, which will definitely amuse the Snow Gods: a surefire way to cause a Snow Day.

So what are you waiting for? Go summon a Snow Day!

Important Note: Use these sparingly or the Snow Gods will get angry and ignore your requests, and your parents might think you're insane.