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Oct. 10, 2005

Ask Chips: Regime change

Answers compiled by Christopher Consolino, Jeremy Goodman, Grace Harter and Alex Mazerov.

"samir p." asks, "As you can see, your ask chips takes forever. Another reason why sc print is better than sco. Am i correct or what?"

It appears that an anonymous SCO reader using the mysterious pseudonym "samir p." (where'd he come up with that name?) has written in to voice his displeasure with our rather delayed publication of our first Ask Chips. Well, "samir," if that is your real name, here you go.

"???" asks, "who would win in a fight between the rolling stones and paul mccartney?"

Though we dearly love the Beatles, we'll have to go with the Stones on this one. The Stones are not even human anymore, and old Paul is only one person against the indestructible team of Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Charlie Watts and Ron Wood.

Now if John Lennon, George Harrison and Ringo Starr joined Paul, there'd be more of a fight.

"BrAInEaTeR" asks, "When a fox eats its own leg to get away from traps, does it think 'mmm i taste yummy?'"

Why yes, yes it does.

"Stressed" asks, "WHY does applying to college suck???"

Applying to college involves jousting with an admission officer who is riding a majestic stallion while you are mounted on a creature that resembles something from My Little Pony. After the admissions officer soundly beats you, you will be kicked into a pool of Tabasco sauce and surrounded by crocodiles. However, if you're using the Common Application, the crocodiles are slightly smaller. If you are applying to U "where fun goes to die" Chicago, you must do all this and eat Vegemite.

"Physics Nut" asks, "How do you get a 10 foot limo into a 5 foot garage and close the door?"

Have it drive in at 3/4 of the speed of light, and it will shrink to half its length. However, the limo will either slow down and expand or run through the wall. We suggest you use a hemi.

"Tigger" asks, "Why is Winnie the Pooh named Winnie the Pooh? What's a pooh?"

According to a Winnie the Pooh web site, author A.A. Milne named Winnie after a bear in the London Zoo. The "Pooh" part came from a swan Christopher Robin used to own named Pooh, and the noise Pooh makes when flies land on his nose. You can learn all sorts of useless information about Pooh and his friends at the above web site.

"Snoop" asks, "how did snoop dogg's 'izz' thing start?"

The origins of the "izzle" suffix associated with Snoop Dogg first appeared in his "What's My Name, Part 2" album released in Dec. 2000. According to a New York Times article, the phrase was not coined by D-O-Double Gizzle himself. The suffix can actually be traced back to the Bay Area in Northern California. In fact, artists such as E-40 and 3X Krasy were experimenting with variants of the "izzle" suffix in the early 90s. So how did the linguistic epidemic spread to mainstream culture? Snoop Dogg admitted that he borrowed the phrase from his Northern California counterpart E-40 in an interview with The Portland Mercury in Oregon. Unfortunately, it looks like "izzle" is on its way out after Snoop told MTV's Ryan Downey that "The message is L.I.G.: Let it go. You can't say 'izzle' no more."

"Jon" asks, "what is up with the blue at the top of the page?"

What blue? Maybe you should adjust your monitor settings…

"D. Trump" asks, "Why don't the writers get paid?"

Good question! For just a penny a day, you can support a starving Silver Chips Online staff writer. Make checks payable to Grace Harter, Jeremy Goodman, Alex Mazerov or Christopher Consolino. We assure you this money might be used for a good cause.

For our last question, we turn to Silver Chips Online's resident Ladies' Man, Armin Rosen:

"desperate guy" asks, "HOw do i tell a girl that i like her and would like to go out with her?"

Asking Chips for relationship advice? Wow. You are desperate. And if you don't want to die desperate and alone, listen up and listen real good:

You're asking the wrong question. It doesn't matter how you ask a girl out. Fact is you're not going to want to go out with somebody who bases these things on whether you look good when asking one question in one conversation in the context of a larger relationship. But seeing as how you're, umm, neurotic enough to requisition a high school online newspaper for relationship advice, there's a very good chance you've never talked to her…but now's not the time for speculation. Now is the time for advice.

So here's some advice: In light of my brilliant insights your question is not one of "how" so much as it is a question of "should I?" Yours is the question that J. Alfred Prufrock asked himself in T.S. Eliot's aptly titled "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock:" do I dare disturb the universe? Do I risk? Do I dream? Do I put my feelings, nay, my soul on the line, only for each to potentially be shot down (I'm not gonna lie to you, buddy. If you have to ask me for advice there's approximately a 100% chance they will be)?

Of course you do. As H.L. Mencken wrote, "love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." Don't overthink this. Be imaginative. Dream. Disturb that little universe of your's. And go for it.

That's all, folks. Check back soon for another edition of Ask Chips and keep those questions coming!



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  • JH on October 10, 2005 at 2:38 PM
    haha well said Armin
  • of course it was armin on October 10, 2005 at 6:59 PM
    who quoted TS elliot on SCO
  • tim on October 10, 2005 at 7:02 PM
    at least i didn't ask a question this time
  • uh on October 10, 2005 at 9:11 PM
    uh...ringo starr is still alive, shouldnt he be included with the living paul mccartney and not the dead beatles?
  • eh on October 10, 2005 at 9:58 PM
    this is below par.
  • Jeff on October 10, 2005 at 10:10 PM
    hey guys, the sidebar link to ask chips is no worky. otherwise, props to chris, grace, jeremy and alex resurrecting this previously mediocre section of SCO.
  • Chips writer on October 10, 2005 at 11:20 PM
    That's a lie. Of course we get paid.

    Scratch that.
  • ... on October 11, 2005 at 3:57 AM
    it is Prufrock, not Proofrock.

    Armin: you're getting sloppy.
  • the research crew (View Email) on October 11, 2005 at 8:48 AM
    why aren't our methodologies finished? ugh
  • bob on October 11, 2005 at 12:20 PM
    Armin, youre getting lazy and annoying
  • camorra on October 11, 2005 at 4:31 PM
    i must say, as somebody applying to U "where fun goes to die" chicago, the application really isn't that bad...it's actually intereseting if you're a nerd :) plus, the web site is definitely easier to work with than the common app.
    and no...vegemite is not required eating. and even if it was, i'd still apply there bc it rockssss
  • Armin Rosen on October 11, 2005 at 6:46 PM
    I'm pretty sure I wrote this late Sunday night. That's my excuse at least...
  • alas on October 11, 2005 at 7:57 PM
    And I had hoped that a new set of editors-in-chief would have the intelligence to not continue this horrendous feature of silver chips online. My hopes, apparently, will go unfulfilled.

    They just better leave snoWatch alone. Some people, it seems, are just not meant to write humor.
  • samir p. on October 11, 2005 at 9:28 PM
    Good job you guys. You are one step closer to becoming anywhere near the greatness of silver chips print edition.
  • 05 grad on October 12, 2005 at 11:36 PM
    boo... i like last years slightly better...

    although i must say i thought the 10-ft limo answer was quite clever...

    oh, and you didn't really answer pearl's question. the question is WHY college applications suck, not what they consist of.
  • grmp on October 13, 2005 at 11:02 AM
    vegemite is some crapola that i wouldn't eat if there was a bunker full of it and that was all.
  • Let's go BlazAHS! on October 13, 2005 at 5:00 PM
    if "<" means "less funny than" then
    06<05.
  • 06<05 on October 13, 2005 at 10:05 PM
    I wholeheartedly agree. 05 is SOOOOOOOOO much better than 06.

    06<<<<<<<<<<05
  • Anonymous on October 14, 2005 at 12:25 AM
    it's --> its
    your's --> yours

    come on now. "your's" isn't even a word.

    glad to see ask chips back, though.
  • you are not funny. please stop on October 20, 2005 at 6:41 PM
    thats like saying -10000<<<<<<<<<<-1000
  • Will (View Email) on October 25, 2005 at 12:19 PM
    Samir P is a real person:
    https://ben.mbhs.edu/users/sapaul
  • sigh on October 26, 2005 at 5:52 PM
    Will--

    Samir P is a real person...he's the editor in chief of SC print.
  • Samir on October 26, 2005 at 9:50 PM
    I....don't....exist....
  • Suomynona on October 31, 2005 at 3:04 PM
    Does any one ask REAL questions?
  • Will on November 5, 2005 at 12:50 PM
    Sorry...
  • dude on November 13, 2005 at 1:58 AM
    No, not well said. That was mean and out of line. You don't even know this person, why would you judge them like that? You don't know their situation, you just made a bunch of smart-aleck assumptions and ridiculed them for no reason. Maybe they're friends with this girl but didn't want to tell you their whole life story, which is smart because you'd probably make fun of it. You're not clever, your "insights" about dating are not impressive, and your response wasn't entertaining or funny, it was depressing and annoying.
  • dont selfserve on November 14, 2005 at 12:28 AM
    Hey. You should like...stop writing this. Please.
  • Bay Area Cat on November 14, 2005 at 12:24 PM
    "E-40 and 3X Krasy were experimenting with variants of the "izzle" suffix in the early 90's"

    its 3X Krazy not crazy
  • Bay on November 14, 2005 at 12:31 PM
    Yes, the Yay Area is sick and tired of having its slang bitten, after years of local MCs watching helplessly as their regional expressions were co-opted by out-of-town rappers, talk-show hosts, celebrities, and even politicians: Who can ever forget the Reverend Jesse Jackson saying "Fa shizzle ma nizzle" at an awards show a few years back?
  • ... on November 23, 2005 at 7:46 AM
    you guys aren't funny.
    stop trying so hard.
  • .... on November 28, 2005 at 11:53 AM
    Is this supposed to be funny...... o_O
  • A writer (View Email) on November 30, 2005 at 6:18 PM
    "BrAInEaTeR" asks, "When a fox eats its own leg to get away from traps, does it think 'mmm i taste yummy?'"

    Well, I actually went out and interviewed a few legless foxes, just to make sure this was the correct answer. Most said that they tasted like chicken, one said that he got rabies from biting himself, and the others thought that my steno reporters notebook was another trap and they ran away before they could partake in the survey.
  • David W on November 30, 2005 at 6:55 PM
    Pick up the pace, guys. I'll do it if you don't want to...
  • lol on December 4, 2005 at 10:34 PM
    funny. liked it. plz include more questions next time.
  • uhhh on December 9, 2005 at 12:33 PM
    its not really regime change if you dont update ever again...
  • R on June 13, 2006 at 9:27 PM
    It's Alfred J. Prufrock, not J. Alfred Prufrock
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