Ask Chips: Regime change

Answers compiled by Christopher Consolino, Jeremy Goodman, Grace Harter and Alex Mazerov.

"samir p." asks, "As you can see, your ask chips takes forever. Another reason why sc print is better than sco. Am i correct or what?"

It appears that an anonymous SCO reader using the mysterious pseudonym "samir p." (where'd he come up with that name?) has written in to voice his displeasure with our rather delayed publication of our first Ask Chips. Well, "samir," if that is your real name, here you go.

"???" asks, "who would win in a fight between the rolling stones and paul mccartney?"

Though we dearly love the Beatles, we'll have to go with the Stones on this one. The Stones are not even human anymore, and old Paul is only one person against the indestructible team of Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Charlie Watts and Ron Wood.

Now if John Lennon, George Harrison and Ringo Starr joined Paul, there'd be more of a fight.

Why yes, yes it does.

"Stressed" asks, "WHY does applying to college suck???"

Applying to college involves jousting with an admission officer who is riding a majestic stallion while you are mounted on a creature that resembles something from My Little Pony. After the admissions officer soundly beats you, you will be kicked into a pool of Tabasco sauce and surrounded by crocodiles. However, if you're using the Common Application, the crocodiles are slightly smaller. If you are applying to U "where fun goes to die" Chicago, you must do all this and eat Vegemite.

"Physics Nut" asks, "How do you get a 10 foot limo into a 5 foot garage and close the door?"

Have it drive in at 3/4 of the speed of light, and it will shrink to half its length. However, the limo will either slow down and expand or run through the wall. We suggest you use a hemi.

"Tigger" asks, "Why is Winnie the Pooh named Winnie the Pooh? What's a pooh?"

According to a Winnie the Pooh web site, author A.A. Milne named Winnie after a bear in the London Zoo. The "Pooh" part came from a swan Christopher Robin used to own named Pooh, and the noise Pooh makes when flies land on his nose. You can learn all sorts of useless information about Pooh and his friends at the above web site.

"Snoop" asks, "how did snoop dogg's 'izz' thing start?"

The origins of the "izzle" suffix associated with Snoop Dogg first appeared in his "What's My Name, Part 2" album released in Dec. 2000. According to a New York Times article, the phrase was not coined by D-O-Double Gizzle himself. The suffix can actually be traced back to the Bay Area in Northern California. In fact, artists such as E-40 and 3X Krasy were experimenting with variants of the "izzle" suffix in the early 90s. So how did the linguistic epidemic spread to mainstream culture? Snoop Dogg admitted that he borrowed the phrase from his Northern California counterpart E-40 in an interview with The Portland Mercury in Oregon. Unfortunately, it looks like "izzle" is on its way out after Snoop told MTV's Ryan Downey that "The message is L.I.G.: Let it go. You can't say 'izzle' no more."

"Jon" asks, "what is up with the blue at the top of the page?"

What blue? Maybe you should adjust your monitor settings…

"D. Trump" asks, "Why don't the writers get paid?"

Good question! For just a penny a day, you can support a starving Silver Chips Online staff writer. Make checks payable to Grace Harter, Jeremy Goodman, Alex Mazerov or Christopher Consolino. We assure you this money might be used for a good cause.

For our last question, we turn to Silver Chips Online's resident Ladies' Man, Armin Rosen:

"desperate guy" asks, "HOw do i tell a girl that i like her and would like to go out with her?"

Asking Chips for relationship advice? Wow. You are desperate. And if you don't want to die desperate and alone, listen up and listen real good:

You're asking the wrong question. It doesn't matter how you ask a girl out. Fact is you're not going to want to go out with somebody who bases these things on whether you look good when asking one question in one conversation in the context of a larger relationship. But seeing as how you're, umm, neurotic enough to requisition a high school online newspaper for relationship advice, there's a very good chance you've never talked to her…but now's not the time for speculation. Now is the time for advice.

So here's some advice: In light of my brilliant insights your question is not one of "how" so much as it is a question of "should I?" Yours is the question that J. Alfred Prufrock asked himself in T.S. Eliot's aptly titled "Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock:" do I dare disturb the universe? Do I risk? Do I dream? Do I put my feelings, nay, my soul on the line, only for each to potentially be shot down (I'm not gonna lie to you, buddy. If you have to ask me for advice there's approximately a 100% chance they will be)?

Of course you do. As H.L. Mencken wrote, "love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." Don't overthink this. Be imaginative. Dream. Disturb that little universe of your's. And go for it.

That's all, folks. Check back soon for another edition of Ask Chips and keep those questions coming!