opinions » humor

Eight resolutions to close out '08

By David Tao | Jan. 8, 2009, midnight | In Humor »

Ah, 2009. Right now, it's a clean slate. We here at Silver Chips Online believe that the mistakes of the past year were forgiven when the ball dropped in Times Square on Dec. 31. Forget your past inadequacies. A new year calls for new failings, new insecurities and new missed opportunities.

The bucket list

By Sophia Deng | Dec. 9, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

Admittedly, we can't all be like Morgan Freeman or Jack Nicholson, and carelessly dispense dough on tattoos and exotic trips to the Great Wonders of the World before we graduate. But there are some pretty wicked Blair traditions to partake in and in-house landmarks to explore before we leave the motherland. Graduation means nothing when Blazers haven't accomplished everything on Silver Chips Online's Super Bucket List for Amazing, Zany, Interesting, Nifty Humans, um...Of Today (S.C.O.S.B.L.A.Z.I.N.H.O.T.).

Ask Chips 3: Made of real meat

By Sean Howard, Anika Manzoor, Kevin Teng | Dec. 2, 2008, midnight | In Ask Chips »

We know all teachers have seemingly inappropriate questions about students. So take a break from the grading, planning and acting like you're awake. If you're funny enough, we'll publish you (with or without your name) so that all your students can laugh with (at) you! Plus, we promise you won't get fired for your opinions. At least until our fearless leader Mr. Williams files a lawsuit, in which case we may be forced to disband or give your name, all in the name of Blair, so that the media won't tar our reputation.

snoWatch: Winter preview

By Sophie Schwadron, Kiera Zitelman | Nov. 18, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

"Nothing lasts forever," sang Guns 'n Roses, "even cold November rain." True enough. Today - Tuesday, Nov. 18, 2008 - midway through sixth period, the cold November rain that has darkened our moods for days ceased to make way for magic. Across the school, children huddled together against the windows to see it happen. At first, silence and disbelief; then, cheers and ecstasy.

The official college madness study guide

By Anika Manzoor | Nov. 15, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

As we head into the winter, a huge frenzy known as the college application process threatens the sanity of our seniors and forces 11th grade teachers, school counselors and college admissions personnel to wonder why in the world they have chosen such an unrewarding career path. As such, efforts in high schools and colleges are continuously being made and perfected to help seniors stay on top of things, trying to make their lives – and the lives of everyone else involved – as smooth as possible.

The second coming of Ask Chips

By Sean Howard, Anika Manzoor, Kevin Teng | Nov. 6, 2008, midnight | In Ask Chips »

We're back! After a five-month hiatus. the A.S.K. (Anika, Sean and Kevin) combination has valiantly re-energized themselves and triumphed in a tiring war with laziness for a new (actual) round of Ask Chips. For those of you who remember us and have requested our re-emergence as a world power, yay! We hope you're as excited about our second return as we are. Of course, if you ever have any questions, e-mail askchips.sco@gmail.com and we'll hook you up. We use your semi-appropriate (and even fully inappropriate) questions when we can, so it's your time to be funny (in that way) if you are funny (in that way). We love you (in that way, bom chicka wah wah). So, without further ado, let's answer some questions!

Bring back the cowbell

By Sean Howard | Sept. 24, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

Every day, Blair is plagued by a familiar problem that almost all high schools face: traffic. Every day, certain places are always crowded, such as the intersection between even and odd hallways, and places where classrooms are locked so every kid in the class and his ridiculously oversized backpack is suffocating the flow of traffic. But my personal favorite, Blair Boulevard between 5A and 5B lunch, takes the cake.

The return of Ask Chips

By Sean Howard, Anika Manzoor, Kevin Teng | May 30, 2008, midnight | In Ask Chips »

We're back! After a two-year hiatus - due to lame bureaucratic incompatibilities - the A.S.K. (that's Anika, Sean and Kevin, your resident geniuses) combination has fought valiantly and triumphed in an emotional war for a new (potential) round of Ask Chips. For those of you who remember us, yay! We hope you're as excited about our return as we are. For those of you who have no idea who we are, that is perfectly fine - you'll learn quickly. So, without further ado, let's answer some questions!

Deriving the night away

By Johanna Gretschel | May 21, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

For the best year of our lives, senior year sure is tough. Sifting through piles of rejection letters is hard on anyone's fingers - not to mention egos - and the colleges we were accepted to have the nerve to request final transcripts. Wasn't learning supposed to end after AP tests junior year? I am a second semester senior and my rights are being infringed upon!

Stylin' IDs

By Gus Woods | March 19, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

Who knew that a small rectangular piece of plastic could cause so much trouble? The administration has tried everything to get students to wear their IDs around their necks, but nothing seems to work. IDs required to buy a school lunch? Flash it and go. Five bucks for a replacement? Claim you temporarily lost it. Get yelled at in classrooms and hallways? Surprisingly unmotivational.

snoWatch: Success at last?

By Priyanka Gokhale, Pia Nargundkar | Feb. 21, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

Here at snoWatch, we have many talents - predicting the weather, being funny and juggling with swords, to name a few. But tonight we unearthed a new talent - number-crunching. (And that too without the help of our technical staff!)

End of writer's strike "strikes" up new worries

By Anika Manzoor | Feb. 17, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

On Nov. 5, 2007, Blazers across Blair Boulevard were deeply disheartened to learn that new episodes of their favorite shows would be brought to a halt. Thanks to the Writers Guild strike, which started over a disagreement with television and movie producers over how much writers should get for DVD sales and podcasts, students were forced to suffer 94 miserable days of endless piles of homework and the unforgiving semester exams without the de-stressing relief of watching fresh episodes of Jim putting Dwight's Birkenstocks in Jell-O or an actually funny "Daily Show."

snoWatch: What is love? Snow days, of course

By Priyanka Gokhale, Pia Nargundkar, Rachita Sood | Feb. 13, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

Be still our hearts, it looks we've set a record - two days of mildly inclement weather in a row? Hopefully this Valentine's Day, we'll be showered with more than just gifts from our hearts' desires. After all, a day cuddled up in front of the fireplace with your significant other is a lot more romantic than - dare we say it - singing valentines and candy grams at school.

Special edition iceWatch

By Priyanka Gokhale, Pia Nargundkar, Rachita Sood | Feb. 12, 2008, midnight | In Humor »

Why is the weather so cruel? The snow gods from above have hit us hard on nearly every scheduled day off this winter (think several inches of snow the day before semester break), turning the beautiful prospects of a free day into yet another drab day stuck indoors. And yet every time, the conditions have cleared up before we can get anything more than a two-hour delay the next morning.

Worst Chips Scenario - SCO holiday edition

By Johanna Gretschel | Dec. 23, 2007, midnight | In Humor »

For every innocent snowball fight there is a wayward chunk of snow that finds its way crashing through a window. For every delicious helping of pumpkin pie there is a tooth-shattering slice of aunt Bertha's fruit cake. And for every street corner Santa with a heart of gold and a cowbell there is a creepy, child-molesting shopping mall Santa. Luckily for loyal readers, Silver Chips Online has solutions for all potential Blair-related holiday dilemmas.

A crack at history: perfection is fleeting in the NFL

By Kevin Teng, Andrew Kung, Elsi Wu | Dec. 22, 2007, midnight | In Humor »

The New England Patriots have looked all but invincible in 2007, sitting pretty at 14-0 with just two games away from the perfect season. Led by golden-boy Tom Brady, who juggles NFL record books and supermodel baby mamas with uncanny grace, this modern-day juggernaut is destined for greatness. But in their pursuit of history, there is one unlikely obstacle: the 1-13 Miami Dolphins.

snoWatch: 08's turn

By Priyanka Gokhale, Pia Nargundkar, Rachita Sood | Dec. 5, 2007, midnight | In Humor »

As usual, the predictions were wrong. Somehow, "a light dusting" turned into "1-2 inches," which turned into "2-4 inches," which turned into two and a half hours stuck in the world's largest parking lot, also known as I-270. When students arrived at school a few hours late (the Colesville bridge closing didn't help) only to find out that MCPS decided the conditions weren't bad enough to close schools, we decided that some real weather experts needed to be called in to make the shots.

Rockin in the halls

By Boris Vassilev | Oct. 25, 2007, midnight | In Humor »

Yes, we've all heard them: The lyrical wonders and musical creations that assault the auditory senses every morning as students diligently wait for their classroom doors to open, or as they not so diligently await the bell to tell them they need to haul it to their first block. Like a phantom Michael Jackson, "ABC" follows students to class, Kool and the Gang's "Jungle Boogie" draws the denizens of the hallways into their respective classroom settings and all manner of other golden oldies mentally stimulate students for academic achievement.

Getting cut short

By Boris Vassilev | Sept. 14, 2007, midnight | In Humor »

The break afforded to the average student between class periods is a holy time of sorts. Grapevines grow exponentially as myths are swapped, bathrooms are hurriedly visited, stairs are ascended, descended and jumped over and a little bit of academic stress is let out before the next class begins. As of two weeks ago, Blazers had this little pie piece of freedom and pressure relief relegated to a mere three quarters of its former glory - from eight minutes to six. Thinking upon this rather abrupt action, a responsible Blair student should consider the possibilities for other acts of shortening…before the bell rings that is.

Seven tips for 07

By Maya Calabrese | June 3, 2007, midnight | In Humor »

Graduation. After four long years of high school, seniors can finally celebrate…by sitting in a room for what seems like another four, long years. The sad truth is that graduation is like the Academy Awards – without the designer dresses, lavish goody bags or George Clooney.

snoWatch: Let's boycott the calendar!

By Payal Patnaik | Feb. 25, 2007, midnight | In Humor »

In another epic battle against the snow and ice, Montgomery County quickly cleared the main roads shortly after today's snow subsided. And the school system is fighting another battle between hazard and learning, especially since we've been improving so much by county standards. So we musn't slack, should we?

snoWatch: The mayhem continues

By Jeff Lautenberger, Payal Patnaik | Feb. 12, 2007, midnight | In Humor »

4:30 p.m. Thursday update: Well, our streak of perfect accuracy has finally ended with tomorrow's unexpected closure (who saw that coming, seriously?) You gotta admit though, snoWatch had this storm on lockdown from the beginning and we're in no position to stop gloating about it. Looks like we're getting that "lovely seven day weekend" after all, and despite what Jeff said earlier, he will be back (if it ever snows again) to write snoWatch. Until then, we're out!

Rah rah, go Blair...Tiddlywinks?

By Boris Vassilev | Jan. 12, 2007, midnight | In Humor »

Hang up the football pads, put away the good old pigskin, pack up the baseball glove, and stow the"UPA (Ultimate Players Association) approved 250 gram Frisbee?

A chip and a half - first installment

By Eve Gleichman | Dec. 4, 2006, midnight | In Humor »

All facts, figures and names have been fabricated.

The power of Black Friday

By Maya Calabrese | Nov. 23, 2006, midnight | In Humor »

"Everyone get up!" – It's 4 a.m. and the house is buzzing. The coffee is made, the kids are eating their cheerios and Mom is frantically getting everything together. "Where is my list? I need my list!" By 4:26, everyone is dressed and ready to go. Mom buckles up the kids, jumps in the car and floors it. Ten minutes and three rolling stops later, they have finally arrived. Everyone piles out of the car, running to grab a place in line before the sacred event of Black Friday begins.

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